Jealous

Wow, I haven't posted on this blog in....FOREVER. So much has happened since I last blogged anything about my life. 

So my title of this post is "Jealous" and you're probably thinking that it has to do with Will being the boyfriend but it's not. Not at all. 

It's about my parents.

Here lately I have been going about things all wrong and it really hit me when Mom said something to me about being a downer and not as happy and cheery as I used to be. Yes, it did have some things to do with camp this past summer not being what it used to be and just not having my whole heart into it like I used to. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED camp and I always have, but just after doing it for four years really exhausted me this last summer to where I know it was my last time to be called "Scuttles."



One of the weekends that I was home (Will came in too that weekend), I had a talk with Mom out by the swimming pool. That talk probably lasted about an hour and half and way past when everyone had already left and gone home. That night, a LOT was said....Just about how I felt things had been going and how Will saw different situations and we all got some stuff off of our chest. Here are some of the things that I told Mom...

Dad doesn't have time for me.
I feel like I'm on the bottom of his "To-Do List."
He doesn't ever want to have a conversation with me. Like a REAL conversation unless I practically beg for it.
He bribes me with money to come home.
and several other things...

Nothing too much was said about Mom.

I think it really hit Mom that I was that upset. It really had been boiling up and I had several talks with Will to get it off of my chest when I really needed to be talking to Dad how I felt he had been treating me. 

There's my problem.

I'd have to talk to Dad.

I got the courage to talk to Dad one night while Mom was in the room too and WIll was in the living room so he couldn't hear. 

I told Dad all that had been on my shoulders lately and all I felt was that I was practically stabbing him in the heart. I told him that I didn't want him to be disappointed or feel like he let me down...because he's my Daddy and I would NEVER want him to feel like he disappointed me or let me down. ever. 

Dad doesn't have time for me.

I feel like I'm on the bottom of his "To-Do List."

He doesn't ever want to have a conversation with me. Like a REAL conversation unless I practically beg for it.

He bribes me with money to come home.

and several other things...

Jealousy. That's what it boiled down to. I was jealous of Dad's time. 

Wow. I have just now realized that that was what it was! Why the heck was I jealous?

I was thinking about it ALL WRONG. (And to just now figure that out....sucks!)



Through all of the jealousy, I have missed the BIGGEST feeling that I should have about my Dad. 

Proud. 

I should NEVER be jealous of what my Dad spends his time on, but proud of what he has spent his time on to become the Dad he is and life he has built for me and my family. 


What an enormous amount of achievements he has had in the past several years! 

Think about it...
-Goes away from his whole life and family to take his wife and kids (thats me!) to go to a foreign country and learn a new language to become a missionary!
-Is a pastor!
-OWNS a hardware store! (Grew it from a 250,000 yearly profit to 2 million in just around two years!!!!)
-Builds houses!
-Fixes our house when it needs to be fixed!
-
-
-
-
-
-
-fill in the blanks, there are plenty of things I could say but for your sake I won't take up the WHOLE blog with what all he has done.

Anyways, that's my Dad. 

If he didn't do all of those things and spend his time working at a dusty hardware store with all of the nasty drunks and shirtless old guys, my family (I) wouldn't have the life I have today. No where close in fact.




How could I forget all of these amazing characteristics and achievements that my dad has accomplished in his life? 

How could I forget about how he provides for my family financially to where I can get new clothes every year before school, pay for all of our phone bills, pay for my car, insurance, and school! 

Gosh does it kill me that I have forgotten these. 

Oh how I love my Daddy. You have no idea.

Thinking differently starts now.



No more jealousy.
No more pessimism.
                            
More Proud. 
More Love. 
More Appreciation. 
More Understanding. 

Now. 

The Family

So I thought I would share some pictures of my family and other people who are important to me!

 This is Will Hill. THE boyfriend!

 This is my brother Andrew, and his girlfriend Hayden Hallmark.

 Here is one of the roommates! Logan Moree!!

 Heheee, here is Andrew again!

 This is Madelynn. She is blind and we have raised her since she was about three months old.

 This is Tristen! A handsome young fellow we've started babysitting a lot!

This is Devnn. We have basically adopted him into the family and he has taken over my old room! :p

 This is Mommy!!!

And finally, my Daddy!! 

VERY SPECIAL FAMILY. 

Jeremiah 29:11

Wow! So much has happened this past week....

Monday was pretty good, nothing too exciting. Most of the teachers were upset that we had to be back at school after such a nice break so they let us out early in most cases. 

On Tuesday, I had my interview for the RA job next semester. It was only about a fifteen minute interview just to get the basics and really just to weed people out for the second round of interviews. I personally hated it. How can you decide whether to ask someone back for the second interview with only that short amount of time? It doesn't make sense. All they asked was questions about a survey we took, why we wanted to be an RA, and what we were majoring in and stuff. Basics. No previous work experience, not how you do in groups and under leadership, no nothing! 

Interview went great, I went to the info-social, and had all of the best qualifications for being an RA. I've worked and cleaned as a camp-staff for the past three years and have worked at the hardware store for 5(ish) years! I'd be the best candidate if I do say so myself.

Sooo....

I got an e-mail this morning saying that I wasn't asked back for the second interview.....Gosh did that hit me! How could someone not choose me? 

Delta. Sorority on campus that I didn't get accepted into because I "lied" and "didn't take it serious enough." I won't go into detail about that stupid situation, but believe me, it's for your own good. Girls were just being mean and what not. 

ANYWAYS. 

Why was I not chosen? 

 This shouldn't happen to me!

                                                   So why did it?

I talked to Mom about it on the phone this morning and she gave some sweet, encouraging words as to why it might have happened. One, simple answer.

God IS watching out for me! 

I don't realize it when I'm getting myself into something, only afterwards. 

Those Delta girls (not bashing them in any way, form, or fashion) were NOT who God wanted me to be with. It was not the kind of relationship with other believers that He wanted me to have. God WAS watching out for me.

This RA position. God probably knew that the people I would be working with next semester weren't the right ones for me either. Again, God WAS watching out for me.

Yes God was and is watching out for me, but where will He put me? Who does he want me to have a strong fellowship with? These are questions that are popping up in my head constantly! Like I said in a previous post, I want that strong connection with someone/somebody's to grow with and rely on! 

But when?

In HIS timing. 

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

 

End of Spring Break

So it's the end of spring break...
sad day.

It's been a really relaxing break from school though! I have loved just spending time at home relaxing and making random outings! I came home last Friday and left a few days ago to come spend some time in Tyler with Will.

At home, my family went bowling, lazer-tagging, SIX FLAGS!, out to eat some, played baseball, saw the Lorax ,had a campfire, and played a few card games. Eventhough we had planned a ton of stuff like Great Wolf Lodge or renting out a cabin, none of them worked out because we looked into them too late.....Soooo we just stayed at home and did things around the area.

When I came to Tyler, this first thing Will did was give me an IPHONE!!! An iPhone people! I was soooooo excited!!!! We've done a lot in the past two days as well! We went to see 21 Jump Street, out to eat a lot, putput, garage-sale-shopping, pottery painting, etc. Now were at the pool hall where I am blogging and he's playing some pool.

If I ever played pool, everything would be PURPLE. Purple chalk, purple poolsticks, etc!

BUT....I stink at pool, so Ill just stick with my purple flute. Hahaa jk!

I don't know how I am going to wake up before 8 tomorrow morning! I've slept till at least 11 each morning this whole break! I haven't done that it years!

This next week of school should be pretty relaxing as far as I know. Nothing too big or tests to take. Will has an Old Testament test tomorrow! Who gives tests the monday after spring break?? Crazy professors, that's who! lol


Soooo I've started to paint. I would post some pictures on here of them, but I am on Will's computer and he doesn't have any of them saved so I will next time I postv something. Anyhow, my paintings are to be features in ETBU's art magazine/newspaper! I'm so excited!! It's a new magazine that Mara (a girl from ETBU) is putting together! :) We'll see how they turn out.

Well I want to get out of this place for a little bit so I am going to get my nails filled. :p

Will post pictures soon!!

Me, Myself, and I

I started a new blog! I've always wanted to but have never really had anything to say....or have I? Maybe I have had a lot to say but haven't found a way to say it or to whom I would say it until now. I think I'm being confusing. 

ANYWAY

Let's start with the basics. My name is Bethany Risinger. I am nineteen years old and am a sophomore at East Texas Baptist University. I am studying Secondary English to hopefully teach somewhere overseas as a missionary. 

Here recently, I decided to apply for the RA position in Ornelas (women's dorm) on campus and had to write my personal testimony out. I had never done it before, so its was actually a pretty cool experience! I did, however, end up writing two pages when it only gave room for a paragraph...I went a step further and just typed + printed the whole thing. Sooo....this is what I wrote.

    Before I go into my personal testimony, I feel that it is important to go over the basics of what it means to be a follower of Christ. To be a Christian, it is not about just going to church weekly, it is not about doing all the “right” things, it is not about trying to be “good enough,” nor is it about a water baptism. It is, however, about an individuals transformation of their heart. There are a few points that we would need to believe in order to become a Christian. The first thing is that we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Since we have sinned, it separates up from God and that penalty is eternal death. The good news is that Jesus Christ died in our place on the cross for us and we can accept the FREE gift of salvation by  submitting our lives to God’s rule and trusting in him in every aspect of our lives. The process of salvation is rather simple and once we make the decision, we know for a fact that our sins have been forgiven and we will be with Him in eternity.
    Now move on to my testimony of Faith. Since a young girl, my father has always been on staff at a church wherever we lived. Therefore, I was in church every Sunday and several other days of the week as well. When I was five, my family moved to Germany (And eventually Austria) to be on the mission field with the International Mission Board. I loved living in both of these places and attending the public German-speaking schools as well. I formed many new friendships and relationship with the people there that I will never forget. Every winter, there would be a team from the United States that would come to a conference and conduct a VBS for all the missionary kids that came with their parents. It was the year that I turned eight, during one of these VBS’s, that I accepted Christ as my Savior and Lord. I understood (as much as an eight year old can) of what it meant to be a Christian, but little did I know, it meant soooo much more than I could later describe. We moved back to Texas when I was eleven and it seemed that I had to start my life over again in school because I had to learn how to do American school work rather than German. Dad became employed at church as a Mission Pastor and I became very involved with the church-life again. During my middle school years, my father resigned from the church and many rumors were spread about why he departed. This caused not only hurt feeling for Dad, but for the whole family as well. Kids at school would come up and ask if my dad was gay, if he had hurt me or my brother, had an affair, etc. This ruined me! How could someone think of my daddy like that and therefore, I was mad at God for letting this happen. My family even got asked to not return to a church because they had heard and stupidly believed one of these rumors. For a time that we were looking around for a church, I did not want to go and try any new ones because I figured all of them would do the same. After about a year, Dad bought a hardware store and later became a pastor at a small country church called Faith Temple where he still is a pastor today. It was when he bought the hardware store, my sophomore year, that my mother, my brother, and I moved to a different school out in the country called Boles High School. It was there that I started to feel accepted and that God really wanted back into my life. At Boles, I started FCA which had never been an organization available before at Boles, I was Drum Major for the Marching Band for the three years that I was there, and had a huge role in the youth program at Faith Temple. I began to see that God really never left me through the tough times with the family and searching around for a new church. Although I didn’t realize it until later, God really made the relationships within my family so much closer not only to each other, but to Him as well. After the whole experience I was able to acknowledge how much I could really rely on God to get me through anything. It was because of this realization that I was able to get through Mom having breast cancer a year ago. There were many times that we knew that we wouldn’t be able to get through the journey by ourselves. I learned to trust Him through the situation with Dad and Mom and can now know that I can trust Him in every possible aspect of my life. My relationship with Christ has become so big that I know for a fact that he has me in the palm of his hands and will NEVER let me go. I know this was a super LONG testimony of Faith, but without these events that happened to me and my family, I would be nowhere close to who I am today as a Christian.


 “The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.”
                                                                                                 Psalm 18:2

 

Interesting huh? 

Not only was it a cool experience to type it all out, I realized something about my testimony that I never had before. There was a theme in it! 

Trust.

Without trust, I would be nowhere.

So yes, I know I have come a long way with my relationship with God, I still have a super long ways to go. There is so much that I still want to learn and grow with.  I still need to train myself to read the Bible every day and stick to ONE devotional and stick to it faithfully. Thing is, now that I am away from home, how do I have accountability to do all of that? That is the hardest thing that I have experience in college so far.

I long for a person to hold me accountable for that stuff (not my parents of a family member).....

I mean I love my family and all, I want a friend to be that person for me and I know that God will put that certain person in my life. 

So I guess along with the introduction of myself, I should probably introduce my family as well. It's quite complicated however. The mom, dad, and brother stuff is normal. But then you get into my additional family members.

Along with my immediate family, my household includes my little cousin (just turned 6) that lives with us, Jay (a 47 year old with downs) that we take care of, and Madelynn (blind 2nd grader) and her mother that live in the cabin behind our house but who are at our house the majority of the time. 

Needless to say, my household is always chaotic, loud, and busy....

Which brings me to Will, who is the exact opposite of chaotic, loud, and busy. 

Will Hill....the boyfriend. Gosh he's such an amazing guy! He treats me like there is no one above him and I love him for that! He always makes sure I'm doing ok, gets me anything that I need, and well....just treats me like a princess!

Just as every relationship has its rough patches, we do as well. BUT I wouldn't change going through them because if we didn't, we wouldn't be where we are today. 

Weird to think that we have been dating for six months already! We celebrated it last weekend by going to Shoguns in Longview. Delicious and fun!

So this week is Spring Break! I had a test this morning for Old Testament, an hour break, and then class and work. The last two hours felt like eternity!! I wanted to go home sooo bad! I left around 1pm and once I got home, the business started by only being home for 15 minutes then heading off to Ikea in Frisco. Andrew got a bookshelf and I got a heart-shaped mirror and a timer for the kitchen. I always seem to burn things when I don't set a timer. Hah. We came back home and I started to write on here and fix my font settings n stuff. 

So excited to see what is to come of my new blog!! 

As Dr. Coppinger would say, "Keep the Faith!"